


The Zeitgeist

by mrs_leary (julie)



Category: Merlin (TV) RPF
Genre: Fandom Secrets, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-13
Updated: 2010-03-13
Packaged: 2017-10-28 10:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/306807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie/pseuds/mrs_leary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bradley secretly writes Merlin/Arthur slash. Complications ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Zeitgeist

**Author's Note:**

> This is for **wiccaqueen** ♥ cos she found a fandom secret entry that intrigued us… (I’ve copied it below the cut. Sorry, I don’t have a link to the original.) We don’t think it’s real, but it does sound delightfully like a slash–writing Bradley. I promised her fic.

♦

‘I wonder if they’ll let us hug this season,’ Bradley said.

‘Mmm, what?’ Colin, of course, was already engrossed in reading the script – their first real glimpse of season three – while Bradley was still holding his copy firmly closed in both hands, as if its contents were still fluid and wouldn’t quite settle into their final shape until he’d opened it. And until then, maybe he could influence it through sheer willpower.

‘Don’t you think Merlin and Arthur should hug this season? They’ve been slowly getting closer and closer to it.’

Colin spared him a sceptical glance. ‘You think about this _way_ too much.’

‘Oh, that’s good coming from you, Mr Colin “One Track Mind” Morgan…’

With no apparent sense of irony, Colin kept his head studiously lowered, and turned a page.

‘Maybe, if they don’t write it in, we should just do it anyway. Once we get a sense of the story arc for the season, we can pick the best scene, and just go with it. They’ll have to keep it in then, cos it’ll be so obviously _right_. What d’you think?’

Colin was at last looking very steadily at Bradley. ‘I think you’re mad,’ he said, enunciating each word very clearly and carefully.

‘Yeah, but what about us hugging?’

‘And then what will you be wanting for the fourth season? If there is one,’ Colin quickly added, looking around him for wood to touch for luck, and making do with the top of Bradley’s head.

‘Ha ha,’ said Bradley.

‘Come on, tell me. What’s the next step after that? A kiss, I suppose!’

Bradley grinned in delight, he just couldn’t help himself. But he managed to ask, very soberly, ‘You see it, too, then?’

‘No!’ Colin protested. ‘You’re all alone on this one, mate.’

‘I _so_ am _not_. Even as we speak, millions of fangirls around the world are writing slash about us.’

‘About Merlin and Arthur.’

‘Mmm.’

‘ _Millions_ , eh?’

‘Well. Thousands.’

‘You’re all mad, the lot of you.’ Colin shook his head, and settled lower in his seat, attention shifting back to the script. ‘What’re you gonna want for the fifth season?’ he muttered. Then stretched out an arm to knock knuckles against Bradley’s wooden head. ‘A medieval commitment ceremony? You know,’ he added heavily, ‘I really don’t think they had civil partnerships back then.’

 _‘Ooh!’_ Bradley breathed in delight as inspiration struck. He put the script aside, and reached for his notebook, opened up a new Word document. Merlin and Arthur getting married, maybe having their hands symbolically bound together in a ceremony like Uther and Catrina’s… Arthur having plagued Geoffrey until at last he found some obscure old clause that allowed men to be bound together… perhaps it had only been used for alliances between nobles or oaths between warriors before, yet it would mean so very much more than that to Arthur and Merlin… Bradley’s fingers skittered over the keys as the story flowed through him and onto the screen.

‘Whatever are you doing?’ Colin eventually asked as he put the first episode’s script aside and picked up the next one.

‘Oh. Nothing.’ Bradley tried not to look shifty. ‘Uh… Answering Mum’s latest email.’

‘Must be epic.’

‘You have no idea.’

♦

Bradley was leading a weird kind of triple life these days. It would get confusing for even the sharpest sword in the rack. There was Bradley James, the actor who played Prince Arthur in BBC’s _Merlin_. Then there was magic_lover, the Live Journal user who wrote Merlin/Arthur fic. And then… then there was 4leafclover, a relatively new LJer who did nothing but write Bradley/Colin fic…

Bradley only ever checked his 4leafclover notifications in the dead of night, once he was sure that Colin wouldn’t drop by Bradley’s room on a whim. The latest comment on his fic included the remark, _Your characterisation is always a little unexpected, and yet it rings oddly true. Or at least there is an integrity to it, a wholeness, that is impossible not to accept as the truth. A truth, rather than THE truth, perhaps? Well, a ‘truth’ within our own alternate universe, of course! If only the boys were really like this, then the world would be a much happier place._

If only, indeed, Bradley mused. He clicked _Reply_ , double–checked that he wasn’t logged in as magic_lover cos he’d been caught out badly once or twice before, selected his _BJ grateful_ userpic, and then typed, _Thank you! It’s good to know that the characters in my fic are both surprising and true. I also wish_

He paused for a moment, looking instinctively in the direction of Colin’s room, which was three doors further up the corridor. A memory swamped him of Colin that afternoon, the pale Irishman obediently loitering in the shade, but grinning when he saw Bradley – just breaking into a big beautiful grin in response to nothing more than Bradley’s presence – a grin that rivalled the French summer sunlight in brightness and joy.

 _I also wish the boys were like this. If only he knew…_ Bradley frowned, and changed the _he_ to _they_. _If only they knew… they would surely get on board!_ He quickly re–read his response to make sure he wasn’t giving the entire game away, and then clicked _Post Comment_.

Half an hour later he was done replying to comments and browsing his friends page, so he shut down the notebook and tried to settle for the night. Sleep came surprisingly swiftly, but it was so full of wistful yearning dreams that he felt almost completely unrested come morning. Though he got up with alacrity when the alarm went, cos mornings now came complete with Colin Morgan, with his cornflakes and soya milk, and his sweet shambling not–quite–awake–yet smiles.

Bradley sighed… He really had it bad.

♦

He was mentally planning out magic_lover’s response to a fic prompt when Bradley happened to run into Richard, who was patiently waiting his turn to film a courtyard scene. ‘Richard! Just the person. I need some technical advice.’

 ‘Of course, my friend, of course.’ Though Richard tilted his head a little closer to confide, ‘Not that I think I have any advice to give. I’ve been watching you this morning, and you’re really doing very well. Very well indeed. I’ve been learning a thing or two myself.’

‘Oh!’ It took him a moment to catch up, but then Bradley laughed. ‘No, I don’t mean your advice as an actor. I mean as a gay man.’

‘Oh!’ cried Richard in turn, obviously _beyond_ surprised.

‘Look,’ said Bradley. ‘Here’s the thing. Do you really need lube? If you’re going to, um… you know. What if it was before AIDS and condoms and such? Can you just go _completely_ bareback? Maybe nothing more than a bit of spit?’

‘My dear boy!’

‘I mean, like… what about in medieval times? For instance, if Arthur wanted to, um… _you know_. Would he need lube?’

Richard was looking at him as if he was beginning to suspect that it might be better for Bradley himself let alone the rest of them if he was committed as soon as possible to the care of the nearest psychiatric institution. ‘My dear boy,’ he murmured. ‘I had no idea. But you must take proper care of yourself. You must stay safe.’

‘I’m not talking about me. Although that’s an interesting question in its own right. But putting me to one side for now – If it were Arthur and, um… some random knight, say. And, you know, they were… in the stables or something.’

Richard kept looking at him with much the same pitying expression. But eventually he saw that Bradley was quite sincere, and he was a kind enough man to respond accordingly. ‘Well, it depends on the circumstances, I suppose. On how much experience either party has. On their own… physiologies. Lubricant might not be necessary if they were experienced, or naturally comfortable without it. Some people… find the act more challenging than others.’

‘Excellent. So they can just go with their instincts, then? Nothing to stop them.’

‘Um. I suppose…’

‘Thanks, Richard! You’re a star.’

‘Um. Yes. Well. Glad to be of help. Bradley…’ Richard added, as if worried and about to ask something that really might cross the line.

‘Catch you at lunch!’ Bradley cried cheerily as he headed off – somewhere, anywhere. Luckily it turned out to be the somewhere that Colin was.

♦

But that was Bradley’s default somewhere these days. Wherever Colin was, chances were that Bradley was there at his side or at least nearby. Bradley found it calming. He could sit in Colin’s presence for _hours_ and not fidget or fuss or get bored. It was as if Colin’s peacefulness was catching, his stillness flowing through Bradley like an ocean without tides or even waves.

Or, when it wasn’t calming, it was inspirational. The simplest things could trigger a new RPS fic. Watching Colin frown while his thumb jabbed out a text message on his phone, and imagining himself sending a string of anonymous love texts to the man that finally got under Colin’s skin, and then at last Bradley revealed the identity of his secret admirer and… and…

And Bradley swallowed and looked away. Wondering if Colin would let Bradley kiss him, purely for research purposes. He wanted to know. He wanted to _know_. No matter how fervid his imagination, no matter how vivid the fics he read, it was beginning to be not quite enough. Oh, who was he kidding? It had never been enough. Bradley was in love with this stubborn contrary gorgeous wonderful Irishman, and there was no help for it.

He reached for his notebook, logged into LJ as 4leafclover, and opened up a new post to his own journal.

 _The world would be a happier place if:_

  *  _a world peace broke out;_  
  

  * _there was more than one Ewan McGregor;_  
  

  * _there was an iPhone application for turning any wish into a Merlin incantation;_  
  

  * _the sky over South Wales was blue more often than not;_  
  

  * _Colin Morgan finally fell silly–in–love with Bradley James._  
  



He clicked _Post to_ _4leafclover_ , and sat back with a sigh to wait.

Soon enough his hotmail account dinged, and he opened up the notification to read the first comment in reply: _You’re a dreamer, 4leaf – and I like it. May they all come true!_ But he just sighed again. Cos, really, it was quite impossible.

♦

The frustration overflowed in all kinds of ways. Alone with Colin while they waited for make–up to finish with Katie, Bradley found himself in the midst of a harangue about their beloved producers. ‘This is their chance to really do something different with the legends. Don’t you see? This is Arthur’s only chance for happiness. In every single version of the legend, pretty much, Guinevere ends up with Lancelot, no matter how much they both love Arthur. But in this version – in _our_ version – Arthur doesn’t have to be alone. He has _you_.’

‘Merlin,’ Colin corrected him.

‘Arthur has Merlin, yes. And they’re of an age, and they’re friends, and – and don’t you think it’s only fair that _I_ get to be happy, too, for once?’

‘Arthur.’

‘Yes. Arthur gets to be happy and _not alone_. Just this once. Is that too much to ask?’

Colin grimaced, and offered an ambivalent shrug. ‘You think Merlin would really make him happy? Wouldn’t he consider Merlin… as not quite good enough?’

‘Of course he wouldn’t. Especially not after Gwen! I mean, in this version, Arthur’s already fallen in love with a servant, hasn’t he? It’s part of him becoming more noble. Properly humble. And once he knows about the magic then they’re more like equals, aren’t they? They’d have been happy anyway, but once Arthur _knows_ and Merlin finally _trusts_ him, then –’ But, seeing quite clearly that Colin remained sceptical, Bradley gave up with a shrug and a groan. ‘I just think they’re missing out on an opportunity to do something really different, yeah? It’s frustrating.’

‘Bradley?’

‘Yes?’

‘You think _way_ too much about this.’

‘I do not! _You_ think way too little!’ Bradley got up to head into the make–up trailer, though he knew they weren’t ready yet and he was really just running away. ‘Look. I’m not the only one thinking this. It’s in the… air.’ He gestured above him, trying to grasp the right words. ‘It’s in the aether, or something.’

‘It’s part of the zeitgeist?’ Colin suggested.

‘Maybe. If I knew what that was.’

‘Like… the prevailing mood of the age. Um… The common ideas or spirit of a particular time and place.’

‘Yes. Exactly. It’s a prevailing idea. You should get on board, Colin Morgan, before you get left behind.’

‘Bradley?’

‘Yes, Colin?’

‘You’re mad. Completely mad.’

Bradley just growled at him, and stalked off.

♦

He took it out on Merlin and Arthur for a while. Well, the fictional Merlin and Arthur. Merlin was frustrated at having to keep the magic secret, and Arthur was badly torn between love for his father and resentment over the limitations of his king’s misguided rule – and the two characters took it out on each other in a rather destructive sexual relationship – until at last the reasonable and chivalrous Sir Leon intervened and talked them both back into being their better selves. Saving them before the descent into darkness become final. Bradley came _this_ close to writing a threesome sex scene, even if it was only a one–off therapeutic encounter – but in the end Merlin/Arthur was his OTP, and every last part of him rebelled at the notion of sharing Merlin with _anyone_ , even though Leon really deserved a bit of loving action in return for his heroics.

He also tried taking it out on the fictional Bradley and Colin, but none of his fics ever seemed to quite work out that way. He could hardly even manage a sentence let alone a paragraph or a whole fic of Bradley and Colin treating each other shabbily. Bradley/Colin just seemed to come with a happy ending guaranteed, and even if one or both of them were struggling somehow, they always treated each other right. _Always._ They were always both the heroes of the story, always the ultimate love interest for each other despite any detours taken along the way. In fact, the whole Bradley/Colin RPS fandom, or at least the corner of it that 4leafclover played around in, was pretty much a place of happy ever afters and gay pride rainbows and astonishingly little angst…

Which was when something significant finally occurred to Bradley. And whenever that happened – which wasn’t overly often, he had to admit – then his first instinct was always to tell Colin.

♦

Colin had begged off joining the others for dinner that evening, and gone to his room, so that’s where Bradley headed now. It wasn’t really late yet, but Bradley knocked gently at the door just in case Colin was trying for an early night’s sleep. And then frustration overcame him, and he knocked louder, cos he just couldn’t bear for this to go on any longer – This – this _horrible_ – this horrible _not having_.

The door was answered a moment later, and the lights were all on, and the decent part of Bradley was relieved to see that Colin was still fully dressed, and judging from the stacked pillows and the downturned book, he’d only been lying on the bed reading. ‘Hey,’ said Colin, stepping back to let Bradley in. ‘What’s up?’

‘Hey,’ Bradley managed in what was probably a rather strangled tone. He paced back and forth for a bit while Colin stood there watching him.

‘Are you all right?’ Colin eventually asked. He folded his arms. ‘What’s happened?’

Bradley stopped and faced the man from across the room. He knew no way but forward, so he blundered right in. ‘Have you ever read RPS?’ And when Colin looked blank, Bradley elaborated. ‘Real person slash. About you and me.’

‘Oh god,’ Colin said flatly, rolling his eyes in exasperation. His arms tightened further across his chest. ‘You’re not into that, too, are you?’

‘Yeah. Yeah, I am.’

‘Why d’you ask? Have you just read something a bit, uh… Well, has something bothered you?’

‘No! No, not like that.’ Bradley took a step closer, suddenly surer of himself. But Colin kind of flinched back a little, even though they were almost a room–width apart, so Bradley stopped and stayed where he was. ‘No, it’s actually not like that at all. You should read it! It’s all about true love and amazing sex.’

Colin snorted. ‘Wishful thinking.’

‘Yeah, maybe. But it’s kind of uncanny how hardly anyone writes an unhappy ending for us. Hardly anyone at all.’ He scrunched up his face, trying to think. ‘In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I read something where we didn’t end up walking off into the sunset together holding hands.’

‘Bradley, it’s not about _us_.’

‘Well, no…’ He tilted his head in a _maybe, maybe not_ kind of quibble. ‘And, yeah, maybe you shouldn’t read it. Cos I can do true love, but… I wouldn’t want you to have expectations in the sex department that I couldn’t possibly live up to. However! The principle holds.’

‘What _principle?_ ’

‘It’s gotta mean something.’ This was the important bit. _This_ was what he had to get across to Colin. ‘It’s gotta be significant that it’s always true love, and we always have a happy ending. No matter what.’

‘You’re not gonna tell me the RPS is part of the zeitgeist, too.’

‘Yeah, maybe I am. And why fight it?’

‘ _Bradley, **stop**_ ,’ Colin said in darkly warning tones.

Despite which, Bradley was brave enough or foolhardy enough to announce, ‘I wanna put the _real_ into RPS.’

Colin was beyond astonishment. ‘Oh _god_ , you are totally _crazed!_ ’

‘But you still love me, right?’

Colin frowned at him, hard. Bradley had it so bad for the man that he even adored Colin’s frowny face. ‘Yeah, I guess,’ Colin eventually said, kinda warily. ‘But not in the way you mean. We’re friends. That’s all. Isn’t it?’

Which was when it finally dawned on Bradley that all he’d ever talked to Colin about was Merlin and Arthur, and the slash and the fic. He’d never once talked about himself and what he felt. No wonder the man thought he was mad. All right. All right, he could see his way through now.

‘Yeah, we’re friends,’ Bradley agreed. ‘And you know what I reckon? All the best relationships have friendship as their foundation. I’m talking friends, family, lovers – if you’re not friends at the core of it, then it doesn’t work.’

Colin was looking a bit flabbergasted by such serious talk at ten in the evening of an otherwise ordinary Wednesday. ‘Um, yeah. OK.’

‘And we’re friends, and I love you as a friend. You know that, right?’

‘Yeah…’ A bit reluctant, of course, but it wasn’t like he disagreed.

So now for it. Bradley took a breath. ‘Well, I love you as more than that, too. I’m _in_ love with you, but it’s also _love_. The real kind. The kind of love between boyfriends. Lovers. Partners.’

‘Bradley…’ Colin whispered.

‘For instance. I love it when you smile. My whole world lights up. I don’t need the sun when you smile at me.’

‘Oh…’ Colin was still far too wary to actually smile despite this blatant prompt, but at least he was starting to look a bit intrigued.

‘There’s no one else like you in the whole world, Colin Morgan. I might never get to really _know_ you, or totally _understand_ you, but I want to spend my life trying.’

‘Oh…’

‘I love you cos you know when to be serious and when to have fun. Not many people know enough to get that right.’

‘Not even you?’

‘Certainly not even me. You’re wise like that. Not about everything, but there are some things you’re totally _wise_ about. And you make me believe that anything is possible. The world becomes full of possibilities when you’re around.’

‘Oh…’

‘I love you because you’re gorgeous and talented and _beyond_ decent, you’re the most amazing person _ever_ , and the world is an infinitely better place with you in it.’

‘Oh. Oh _god_. _Bradley_.’ Colin’s arms had uncrossed and now fell loosely at his sides, making him look adorably adrift. ‘Oh, I, uh –’

‘I realise this is all news to you. I thought you’d _get_ why I was so massively into the slash fic. But you didn’t, did you? You just thought I was a bit demented.’

‘Yeah…’ Colin took long long moments to think. Then he said, ‘Bradley –’

‘Yes?’

‘Remind me again. Why would I hook up with a crazy person?’

‘True love,’ Bradley repeated with infinite patience. ‘ _Possibly_ amazing mind–blowing sex, but I’m afraid I can’t guarantee that.’

The man swallowed, glanced away for a moment. Rubbed his hands nervously on his jeans. ‘Um… How about… a date? To start with. No promises, all right? But let’s see how we go.’

‘Explore the possibilities? Together?’

‘Exactly. I, uh…’ Colin gestured helplessly between them. ‘You might still be mad, but I’m not stupid enough not to try. If you really feel that way. If you honestly feel everything you just said.’

‘I do. Honestly. I meant every last word.’ Bradley sighed with happiness, and finally _finally_ the knot of frustration and wanting and hopelessness within him just melted away into nothing, leaving him free and happy and sure. ‘Is it too soon to ask for a kiss?’

Colin looked surprised, and took a step back. Bumped into the wall, and stayed there pressed against it. ‘Uh… No. I don’t suppose so. No.’

So Bradley took a step towards him, and another, and soon they were close, standing there in each other’s space, breathing the same air, their eyes considering each other, watching each other, wary and wild. And it was like… it was like every RPS fic ever written, it was the most _wonderful_ precious _beautiful_ thing – and actually it was like none of the fics at all… cos it was oh–so–blessedly _real_.

♦


End file.
